Feeling torn on how to get married?

Many couples start planning their wedding feeling excited… and then quickly realize there are a lot of expectations, moving parts, and decisions involved.

From the overwhelming cost of larger venues, catering, colors & table placements – you may be feeling overwhelmed and are considering ditching the traditional route and opt for a simpler way to get married.

If you’ve found yourself considering eloping but aren’t completely sure if it’s the right choice, you’re not alone. Many couples feel caught between what they’ve always imagined a wedding would look like and what actually feels right for them now. Society has conditioned people to think that a larger traditional wedding is the standard for getting married… But, I can assure you that there are lots of ways to tie the not. There is no right or wrong way to get married. What matters the most is that you are excited about the way that you choose, that it feels authentic to you as a couple, and that you have feelings of at-ease and excitement rather than overwhelm and worry.

What does Eloping mean? What is an Elopement?

When people hear the word elopement, they often imagine secretly running off to Vegas.

But modern elopements look very different.

Today, an elopement is simply a small, intentional wedding experience focused on the couple. You can still invite close loved ones. You can still include your family.

Elopements often include:

• A meaningful location (mountains, national parks, coastlines, forests)
• A relaxed timeline with time to enjoy the day together
• Personal vows
• Sometimes a few close family members or friends
• Experiences like exploring, heading to beautiful views, including activities that sound fun to you, or sharing a dinner together or with your guests

Instead of a traditional wedding schedule and hundreds of guests, the focus is on creating a day that reflects your relationship and what matters most to you.

Can I still include my family and friends in an Elopement?

Yes! About half of the elopements and micro-wedding I photograph, the couples invite some of their closest people. Usually elopements are groups of 15 and under, and micro-weddings are groups of 30 and under. When considering your guest count and who to invite it is important to note that a lot of locations on public lands such as National Parks and State Parks have guest count limits for their ceremony spots. So the less people you invite, the more options you will have to choose from.

Here is an example of a micro-wedding with guests.

Even if you decide to keep your guest count small, there are still ways to celebrate with all the important people in your life. I have had couples elope or have a small micro-wedding and then have a celebratory reception months later with everyone. Showcasing their photos on a slideshow or prints and telling the story of the adventure they had and about the location that they chose and why.

If you are considering just keeping it you two, but want to include family and friends, you have options as well!

Some ideas could be:

• Have your family & friends write letters to you that you take time to read on your elopement day
• Facetime with your family on your elopement day
• Write letters to your family on your elopement day to share with them when you head back home
• Include them in the planning process
• Have a celebratory dinner with them afterwards
• Have them record video messages to you that you watch on your elopement day
• Bring family heirlooms or special and meaningful items to wear or incorporate into your day

Signs an Elopement May be Right for You

Below are a few questions to ask yourself that may help you in your decision making process.

A larger traditional wedding feels overwhelming

Are you feeling planning stress? Are there family dynamics that make planning a wedding less than exciting? Do you dislike being the center of attention and the thought of having lots of eyes on you makes you cringe?

You are leaning towards planning an experience over the traditional route

Does the freedom of shaping your day however you want sound better than following the traditional wedding timeline? Does a reception with everyone, sending out invites, coordinating food and bridal party feel less than ideal? Do you feel that the expectations of a larger wedding are taking away from the meaning of the day celebrating you two as a couple?

You would rather have a day with more time spent with each other

Let’s be honest. On a traditional wedding day, your attention gets pulled a lot of ways. From everyone being around you – family, bridal party, friends, distant friends, coworkers, acquantances. While you are spending time with each other, a lot of energy is being directed towards your guests as well on your wedding day. Are you leaning towards having more time to spend with each other on the day? On an elopement day you get more time together and can pencil in intentional moments without a jam packed timeline. On a larger traditional wedding day, you do still get to spend time with each other, but a lot of it will be in front of other people or with other people.

Getting married surrounded by nature excites you more than a formal venue

Do you like the idea of getting married in nature rather than a venue? Do you love the outdoors and love the idea of getting to choose the views you see on your day?

You want freedom to do things your way

Does the thought of having to follow the traditional wedding timeline sound less than ideal? Do you want to include an adventure such as a hike or excursion on your day? Or a picnic or private chef airbnb dinner? Would you like to do personal and private vows? Do you want to include some views or nature?

Signs a Traditional Wedding May be a Better Fit

Below are a few questions to ask yourself that may help you in your decision making process.

You want all your family and friends present

Do you want all of your family and friends present? Does celebrating with a large group sound exciting to you? Does big dance floor and party atmosphere sound like it aligns more? Does the thought of walking down the aisle with all your family and friends present sound better to you?

You love planning and already have everything pictured in your head

Do you love planning and the thought of picking out colors and tablescapes make you excited? Do already have everything planned out in your mind? Are you excited to do food tastings and design invitations? If this is something you are really excited about then maybe a larger wedding would be a better fit!

You are excited by the large event prep

Are you excited about planning a large event or are you stressed by it? If you are stressed by it, is hiring a planner to help with wedding planning an option for you? Or does eloping sound better? Some brides have always envisioned having a larger wedding since they were young but come to find out it is a little stressful. If you are clinging to the vision of having a larger wedding but are stressed, consider outsourcing the planning part to a planner to help.

Are you excited about planning this large event and the thought of it all coming together makes you so happy? Then a larger wedding could be a better fit for you than eloping!

Cultural or family traditions are important to you

Do you have cultural traditions or family traditions that you cannot imagine your wedding day without? You can absolutely include traditional and cultural aspects in an elopement or micro-wedding too, but if there are certain ones that only fit the scope of a larger celebration – then a larger wedding could be for you.

Ways Couples Blend Both

Here are a few examples that couples blend both if you truly are having a hard time deciding and want a little of both.

• Including traditional aspects in the elopement day (you can still include any traditional aspects that you like in your elopement day!)
  • Examples: having someone walk you down the ‘aisle’, getting ready separately, including your close loved ones in the ceremony, doing a cake cutting, having an AirBNB catered dinner where guests give speeches, doing a first dance
• Having an elopement or micro-wedding and a large celebration later on weeks or months down the road with ALL of your family and friends

Final thoughts: Choosing Your Way!

Hopefully this blog helped spark some helpful questions and thoughts into how to decide if eloping is right for you! I have photographed many weddings and elopements. Both larger traditional and smaller elopements. I have seen EVERY kind of day. What it comes down to is what feels right for you?

You will not regret choosing the way to get married that makes you happy. Ask yourselves some of these questions and lean into what feels right. Don’t let outside influences deter you from choosing a day that you are excited about!

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